The kiss

You let me in your heart
But broke into my soul
All this just when I thought
"I'm through with all that crap"
I thought you're safe,
you were so far away
I thought you're just a dream
and I am just a game to play
was never meant to end this way
was never meant to come to this
your broken heart
my empty kiss
my crippled soul
your dying bliss
I'm just a fake
I played a part that I will miss
My fairy tale is over
I'll leave my lucky clover
on the pillow
and I will go
I've killed another dream
Just when I thought
"I'm tough, I don't need that"
You proved me wrong…
And now
I cry alone.
ps
Forgot to tell you
Not to take me serious

New Year is coming

Christmas is gone
I got to move on

A whole new year
Is waiting ahead

This one will be better…
This time I’ll do better!
I’m makin’ these promises all to myself

I need to be nicer,
I have to act wiser

Swallow my tears
Pull all my shit together
Forget all my fears,
Just deal with them later…

... to know a human heart

They say that you can truly know a human heart, on three occasions: on a rainy day, after losing their luggage in an airport or when decorating a Christmas tree!

I don’t remember where I’ve heard this, but it feels right and I kept it in mind. Now I’m sharing these words of wisdom with you…

back to where i've started

" if you are going in the right direction,

then all you have to do is keep goin’ "

proverb budhist

In continuarea ideii de mai jos… s-ar parea ca nu e tocmai bine s-o iau inapoi.
Am senzatia ca se asteapta progrese. Cineva poate argumenta ca progresele nu inseamna neaparat distanta parcursa intr-o directe anume, cat rezultatele obtinute pe parcurs. Si chiar certitudinea ca mergi in directia buna poate fi un progres. Dar ca sa ajungi la certitudinea asta, trebuie sa pierzi ceva timp cautand directia in care trebuie sa o iei, adica directia in care daca o iei exista cele mai multe sanse sa gasesti ceea ce cauti, si m-am intors in acelasi punct de unde am plecat cu cateva posturi in urma… de fapt – trebuie sa stii in primul rand ce cauti!!! Si asta inseamna sa te cunosti pe tine…

just a bad day

Today I had a bad day from the start. My computer failed me.
”This is a bad sign” I thought to myself. Then I forgot. Work does that.
And then they failed me…
I lifted up my eyes and looked through the small window in the bathroom ceiling, the sky seemed black while my heart drowned in sadness. It may sound like too much, but felt just like that. I felt as if I was alone in all Universe… thrown through that window, thousand hundred miles away from home… Home?
I want to go back, back to the beginning. Maybe this time I’ll know what to look for!

Aries

Self-confidence is what I need, and

Courage to finish what I’ve started
I got Impatience in deed,

by Impulsivity I’m blinded…
Some say I’m Arrogant,

Enthusiastic brat
But still Initiative I’ve got for

Leadership
Opinionated / Stubborn both I am
Powerful , Forceful all the way!
Irritable, yes of course
Straightforward, this I like the most!
And Generosity to payback all the worst.

Frumosul si Adormita din padurea verde…

Se intampla ca, pe cand Frumosul implini varsta la care toti flacaii erau chemati la oaste, lui i se nazari sa plece in cautarea a ceea ce i s-a promis lui din pruncie, si anume “Tinetete fara batranete si viata fara de moarte”… acum daca stai sa te gandesti – viata vesnica e o prostie, dar nici oastea nu era o alternativa stralucita, asa ca isi lua calul, pe care il chema Vasile, din grajd ( dupa ce il servi in prealabil cu o portie de jaratic, dupa care Vasile se scarpina de trei ori dupa ureche ca jaraticu’ da mancarimi se pare ) si o pornira la drum.
Vasile fluiera a paguba… pesemne el mirosise déjà ca era pierdere de vreme calatoria asta a lor, ( Vasile era cu creieru' iar Frumosu cu aspectu’ ), dar ce putea face – el nu era decat un cal! n-avea nici macar o stea in frunte... asa ca fluiera pe limba lui – asta semana a fornait pe nari, asa. Frumosul mergea pe cal… si cum mergea el asa deodata se trezi cu nasu’n tarana – cazuse! Pai cum? Pai pt ca se terminase calu’… avea si Vasile o limita! (ca toate lucrurile bune de altfel)
Frumosul ridica o spranceana din tarana, acu’ ca Vasile s-a terminat, cu cine sa-si mai imparta singuratatea? Totusi in virtutea inertiei o porni mai departe si merse fara sa se mai gandeasca la sensuri si nonsensuri pana ce se lovi cu fruntea de un zid acoperit in intregime cu iedera, ca de aia nici nu-l vazuse si se izbise din plin, iar acum isi simtea fruntea zvacnind, si déjà incepuse sa-i creasca un cucui de toata frumusetea. Frumusetea care este si ea trecatoare…
Oricum, ideea e ca daduse peste castelul Adormitei. Frumosul auzise ca ar exista o fata care dormea pe ea non-stop, dar crezuse ca sunt scorneli. Frumosul ridica si cealalta spranceana… si ce e rau in asta? Sa dormi si sa visezi oricum e mai bine decat sa tragi la oaste, ii trecu atunci prin cap Frumosului ( asta cand ridica spranceana – care functiona precum o antenna, putea capta gandurile care circula libere pe deasupra capetelor noastre si se opresc din cand in cand la unul sau la alta) si se puse si el langa Adormita, patul era destul de mare pentru amandoi, si adormi in scurta vreme. Si dormira asa ... vreme nesfarsita, de parea ca Frumosul intr-adevar gasise ceea ce cautase el de la bun inceput, si anume “Tinerete fara batranete si viata fara de moarte”, ca se stie ca omu’ cand doarme parca timpul sta asa in loc, si corpul nu mai imbatraneste… da’ numai viata nu e aia sa dormi asa in nestire si sa lasi toate cele sa treaca pe langa tine fara a te baga in seama…
Acum m-am intristat, na!

“Only grown-ups can have children”

Time is deceiving
Going too fast
Can’t catch up
I fell behind
Growin’ up slow
Not in a hurry to grow
Decline responsibility
Runin’ around unconsciously
White sheets, messed up place
Filled with emotions
My feelings – their toys,
And their feelings – mine.
Can I get more time?
I’m not done playin’ here
Not done havin’ fun!
Play with children, can’t have one…
Got caught in their games
Forgot to grow old
“it’s time now!”
“I know!
But can I play just one more time?”
“They’re your emotions…
Can play them as long as you like.
Just remember they’re not toys
And time doesn’t turn back!”

de la votare mi se trage

As vrea asa sa am un motiv de enervare, un ceva care sa ma scoata din sarite, da’ rau de tot, sa-mi ies din pepeni si sa scot din mine ocari, invective si omoruri… pfffff ti-ai gasit! O lene sora cu moartea m-a izbit , un sictir universal isi face de cap la mine-n cuget, de sa nu ma recunosc. Parca nu ma mai framanta nimik zilele astea, si unde mai deunazi imi doream o oaza de linistire si repaus – acuma parca prea e nefiresc sa te lase nervu’ asa dintr-o data, fara preaviz, fara bilet de despartire… tam-nisam!
Ma duc sa-l caut… ma intorc ori cu el, ori de loc!

Prin ochii tai

As vrea sa vad lumea prin ochii tai, macar o zi.

Te-as intelege asa cum nici o fiinta nu a fost vreodata inteleasa,

te-as simti asa cum nici un suflet nu a simtit un alt suflet,

te-as cunoaste, cum nu a fost nicicand cunoasterea traita.

As fi in tine, ai fi in mine…
Dar ma opresc din visare… imi dau seama ca nu e ceea ce imi doresc, pentru ca mi-e teama sa ma vad prin ochii tai pe MINE !

Shallow skies

It’s time to confess

I have tried to impress

You. But I guess… u figured that out

By now. Too late… my heart moved on

It now sings another song

Yours is long gone…

Cant make feelings stay

Anyway, better this way.

I’m taking my first steps on life’s road

Away … from you.

Look… the sun is rising…

I’ve never seen this sky before

Not like today… not anymore!

Could be that I’ve grown…

I am my own!

He said…and then she said…

he says:
I never thought it would be so hard for you to give up…
she says:
it's not the game i miss, it's not why i keep coming back
it's a feeling of belonging and...
the illusion i can do anything i want
he says:
hmm
like you said "illusion"
she says:
sometimes that's all we have
he says:
and you are already doing anything you want in real
she says:
am i?
think not

It was a game that got me stuck in my own dream-land for a while… now I’m letting go… slowly…
Parts of me are still in there, wondering in those woods…. Will I ever find my way out?
In order to do anything I want, I must know what it is I want first.
That’s a tough one!

Fiul de pescar si fata din turn

Traia odata un fiu de pescar.
In vremea aceea o mare criza lovi bransa pescarilor - marile secasera si mai nou pescarii cultivau orez pe fundul oceanelor… asta nu era de el. Auzise ca la marginea lumii mai exista un ocean si plecase in cautarea lui, la urma urmei, ce avea de pierdut? Lui nu-i placea decat orezul cu lapte – iar vacile erau toate nebune.
Isi stranse plasele si p’aici ti-e drumul. Statu o clipa’n loc – acuma incotro sa fie marginea lumii? Ajunse la concluzia ca oricat de mare ar fi lumea, pana la urma in orice parte ai lua-o trebuie sa ajungi la capat odata si-odata… caci TOATE lucrurile au un sfarsit!
Trecura ani, intre timp fiul de pescar uita gustul laptelui si se reprofilase – acum intindea capcane cu plasele pentru pesti, si prindea pasari pe care le vindea prin targuri ca sa aiba cu ce isi cumpara o bucata de paine, o bucata de branza si o cana cu vin. Aproape ca uitase ce cauta de atata amar de vreme prin lume…
Nu mai stim cati ani se scursera cu exactitate pana in ziua cand fiul de pescar se trezi in fata unui turn ce se inalta pe o stanca lovita de valurile spumoase ale unui ocean verde-albastru.
Adica gasise oceanul! Doar ca acum… nu mai intelegea ce anume il facuse sa colinde lumea pentru niste peste… hmm!
Ridica ochii spre turnul cel alb si patrunse in el… urca pe indelete cele 177 de trepte si se opri.
Acolo sus – intinsa pe o rogojina, dormea o fata. Parea ca doarme asa de la inceputul lumii. Fiul de pescar ingenunche si o privi si cum o privea asa i se paru ca fata ii zambeste.
Atunci o atinse… si ea se deschise ca o floare la atingerea lui tremuratoare… vuietul valurilor care se spargeau cu putere si in mod repetat la picioarele turnului, abia ajungea pana la ei.
Deodata, lumea parea toata imbracata-n sarbatoare, totul plutea, toate lucrurile erau pesti, totul parea lipsit de sens si nimic nu mai avea nici o valoare…
Cumva, dragostea isi este sie insasi de ajuns!

The Pain

I try to ignore it
Though it never goes away
I came to accept it
This one it’s here to stay
Sometimes I think

The game I play
Is nothing but a mournful way
To push inside
All things gone bad
Along the way…
You are a puzzle I can’t solve
I miss one piece too many
A riddle in my mind
The answer could be any…

Thief Monkey...

Playing tricks
Breaking sticks
Telling jokes
Throwing stones
Eating bugs
Catching bones
Seems to me
Like a pretty good deal

All this
Just for your smile
to steal…

It all comes down to this

"- We mortals feel too much, hurt too much,
and all too soon... we die.
But we do have the chance to love!
- Do we?"

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Letter to myself...

Lately I wake up in the morning always trying to make sense of it all. Useless… the meaning is just not there! Also I find it hard to breathe… pollution! I say to myself…
The coffee tastes like metal, food is no good “go see a doctor!” my friends tell me, which is always easier said than done, who the hell wants to see a doctor?! Hey, does he look like Jude Law? I doubt that!
So, what’s left? Lay down and die? Don’t wake up in the morning… try waking up in the evening for a change… sleep all day, party all night… no, this doesn’t sound like me. But “me” doesn’t work anymore!
Hmm… Need a change, a big one!
Something in the air tonight… a cold wind! Winter it’s coming, my nose froze on the way to work… turn on the heat, make a hot chocolate, turn on PC, check my e-mails, post a few comments, smile to my boss while doing it…
Am I the only one who’s looking for meaning in all this mess that surrounds us? Fuck, no!
But you’re the only one who's stuck… stuck… so unstuck yourself!
“Have a child!” they say… Funny!… like: “Have a break, have a kit-kat!”… my mind thinks backwards: “So, why am I here? Cuz’ my mother needed a break 30 years ago?... Stupid answer, stupid question, stupid feelings of rejection.
Come tomorrow, maybe we’ll have a drop of sun for u then ;)

Approval addict

-ti-ai gresit profesia, trebuia sa fi scriitoare!
-de ce spui asta? Tu urasti scriitorii, spui ca nu fac decat sa scrie gunoaie pentru ca au nevoie de bani…
- nu ma lua in seama… serios, ar trebui sa scrii!
- pai scriu…
- nu astea, o carte!
- am sa scriu… candva, imi trebuie timp, bani… o casa la munte…
zambeste si se uita intr-o parte
- mereu alte scuze
zambesc si ma uit in jos
“deci i-a placut…”

Red and Blue

he likes the color blue
he says he always tells the truth
she loves the color red
and doesn’t want to be misled
he says he “don’t care”
then act like he might
he tells her nice things
then “forget all about!”
he’s a defender
she’s a priestess
he asks for her blessing
she’s afraid to confess
she cries on the inside
but shows him a smile
he earns her forgiveness
with one single red flower
nice afternoon talks
sharing beautiful thoughts
strong opinions each side
no need to decide.
so thus, red and blue
sometimes blue and red…
two beautiful colors
became purple instead.

Futilitate

Sambata am dat ceasurile inapoi. O vaga iluzie ca am tinut timpul in loc un ceas… de fapt, el a trecut indiferent, iar eu m-am ales cu o oboseala prematura si o senzatie de frustrare ca nu pot profita de ora furata timpului…
Daca viata e un vis, atunci moartea ar trebui sa fie o vesnica trezie ori un somn fara vise intr-un univers prin care timpul nu curge.

“…To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to…”

Shakespeare. – Hamlet