Level up

…
That feeling… like the world stood still, and you’re surrounded by the same people, same places, same faces only different than you, like they’ve all moved on and you’re still stuck in eleventh grade, wondering what the hell to do with your life…
but when you look inside, you’re different too – so much more to worry about, so many things are lacking… you’ve outgrown your nutshell, and you know it’s gonna crack!
”We face the path of time “…

It’s time to level up now.

"...ain't LOVE grand?!"

Pe principiul “ce nu ne omoara ne intareste” , ingurgitam cu incapatanare surda toate acele cuvinte si lucruri care ne otravesc, care ne fac rau chiar daca nu ar trebui, chiar daca ni se spune ca nu au de ce sa ne doara… uite ca doare! Si ne miram noi de durerea care se revarsa din paharul cu venin pe care viata ni-l serveste cu zambetul larg pe fata. Si culmea ironiei este faptul ca cei care toarna veninul asta – de fapt ne vor binele! Sau ma rog, vor sa ne fereasca de un rau mai mare si mai al dracu’ decat un junghi la inima si o greata in stomac!!!
Si nu stiu de ce nu sunt in stare sa fiu recunoscatoare atunci cand cineva isi aroga dreptul de a sti ce e bine pentru mine, si de a actiona in consecinta. Poate ca nu vreau sa sufar in doze limitate si din motive neintemeiate, poate ca vreau sa ma iau cu suferinta de gat, care pe care, ori ma termina ori ii vin de hac, si abia atunci am sa ma simt eliberata.
E prea perversa durerea care ti-e servita pe post de remediu al suferintei eventuale.

Inca...

Las sfarsitul sa-astepte.
Inca mai visez
O minune
Care imi spune pe nume si
Deschide in mine porti nestiute
Carari nebatute …
…
Tu nu stiai
Ca visele se termina brusc?
Sange proaspat si lacrimi
Ce nu au avut timp sa se zvante
In loc de-nainte
Timpul isi curge acum
Drumul-napoi
Dar nici asa nu e sigur
Ca am sa mai gasesc calea
Catre noi
Catre turnul in care
Ma asteptai
Ma primeai
Ma doreai
Ma uitai
…

...this is how it ends

Memories consume/ Like opening the wound/ I'm picking me apart again/ You all assume/ I'm safer in my room/ Unless I try to start again/ I don't want to be the one/ The battles always choose/ Cuz inside I realize/ That I'm the one confused/ I don't know what's worth fighting for/ Or why I have to scream/ I don't know why I instigate/ And say what I don't mean/ I don't know how I got this way/ I know it's not alright/ So I'm breaking the habit/ I'm breaking the habit/ Tonight/ Clutching my cure/ I tightly lock the door/ I try to catch my breath again/ I hurt much more/ Than anytime before/ I had no options left again/ I dont want to be the one/ The battles always choose/ Cuz inside I realize/ That I'm the one confused/ I don't know what's worth fighting for/ Or why I have to scream/ I don't know why I instigate/ And say what I don't mean/ I don't know how I got this way/ I'll never be alright/ So, I'm breaking the habit/ I'm breaking the habit/ Tonight/ I'll paint it on the walls/ Cuz I'm the one that falls/ I'll never fight again/ And this is how it ends...

hmm...

I wish you would need me…
As much as I need you.
I want you to heal me
Just by letting me love you.
Try to say the right words
But they never come out
And yet you understood
What this girl’s all about.
You gave me my dream
I gave you my soul
Come down your white horse
I wait by the shore…
Came play with me
One smile, one kiss, one love
For us time stood still
We’re children once more.

The Tree of Life

de Gustav Klimt

MY MIRACLE?

De cand ma stiu eu pe mine am crezut in povesti, intr-un fel care nu permitea nici o contrazicere. Credeam in spiritul povestilor, in existenta unui univers paralel sau cel putin invizibil muritorilor de rand, in care toate lucrurile minunate din povesti – se petreceau cu adevarat. Tin minte cum intr-o dupa-amiaza ploioasa, citisem o povestire despre niste copii care aflasera cum se poate ajunge in aceasta lume, portalul era banala oglinda de la cuier… bineinteles trebuia rostita o formula magica… ceva gen “Sesam – deschide-te”! Vezi sa nu! Toata seara am petrecut-o pe intuneric in hol, in fata oglinzii… dorindu-mi cu disperare sa patrund in universul despre care citisem. Oare cati ani sa fi avut pe atunci? … nimic fantastic nu s-a intamplat, nici un “portal” nu s-a activat, de suparare m-am inchis in camera mea si am inceput sa plang. Nu puteam spune nimanui ce am, imi dadeam seama cat de ciudat ar fi parut, nu era un 4 la mate ( ca sa poata pricepe si familia ), era o lume care mi se refuza cu incapatanare, desi eu credeam cu fiecare fibra in ea. Ma rog, am crescut… se pare. In buletin se vede cel mai bine.
De curand o minune desprinsa din povesti a aterizat in viata mea monotona. Si desi e prea frumos sa fie adevarat,vreau sa cred ca se poate, cu toate ca … in partea cu printul care vine pe cal alb – n-am crezut prea tare nici cand eram la varsta povestilor. Iar viata in general te dezvata de “prostul obicei” de a mai crede in povesti. Si totusi… poate chiar eu l-am creat, cumva, cu puterea gandului… Vezi sa nu!
Insa orice ar fi – feels pretty fucking amazing.

Beauty & Brain

Beauty it’s a world of its own…

But I’d rather have brain!!!

…WHAT’S IN A FACE?

And what’s in a face? Does the way we look affects who we are? … and the answer is yes! Although there are exceptions – in general a cause-effect relation exists between the way others are seeing us, and what we come to be. It’s not fair, since we can not choose how we look, it’s not like in a game...

I feel ugly and old, so ok we all have our bad days, but it’s been centuries for me, that’s how old I feel.
I feel mean and selfish. I feel like I disappoint everybody I meet, sooner or later.

And why should a face matter so much? As long as we are not monsters… but we can be monsters on the inside.

Doomed

I feel your EYE watching over me from a far. It burns holes in my pale skin… but as long as I feel it, I know I’ll be safe.

What do you get if you put together two lost souls, a broken heart, a head in the clouds, a killer instinct and a kamikaze spirit all wrapped up in a dream, take away the sex from the equation and spice it up with some questions about all the big things in life?
Could this be FRIENDSHIP? or just DOOMED LOVE …